note: if you want the funny part and not the bullshit mundane details of my weekend trip to bama, scroll down to the bottom.
im back from alabama. all in all it was a good trip. i was going to be intown earlier saturday, but i was tired and took a nap. i thought about cleaning my place but that soon turned out to be fantasy than reality. it was in the late afternoon when i got my bum ass out of bed and took off to go get my oil changed before embarking on my 150 miles + journey. fuck, they didnt have the filter for my honda or some jazz. that wasted a decent amount of time. i headed to underground atlanta. Darci has this food obsession with vanilla fudge from a candy store in Underground atlanta. I will admit, it is damned good stuff. She can't have chocolate due to choco-induced headaches, poor soul, because their peanut butter/chocolate combonation fudge is literally "sex in your mouth". A pound drained 10 bucks from my pocket (and she later remarked that I usually buy her two! little ungrateful...I mean, I love you! *grumble grumble*) but hey , im whipped, i know it, i have no choice, i accept it time to move on. Fate was cruel to me saturday. Bodly remarking that I would never leave my trusty, but big piece of shit, digital camera at home, i left it in the car. Exiting underground I saw TWO, not one, but TWO meximullets. The first one exuded more manliness than the one i saw at the gas station. If I even made eye contact with this one I would not only shit myself, but die of fright. He has snakeskin boots on. and a belt with one of those BIG ASS belt buckles. If you are from the midwest you know what im talking about. He had a southwestern style collared shirt on, and the collar unbuttoned to reveal his fine manly chest hair. His stride was confident, his eyes focused ahead. His mission: kick some ass. The other meximullet was pretty sloppy, and nowhere as manly and beautiful as the first one.
Hey, i never realized the main Georgia State campus was right in the heart of downtown. I used to feel pity for GSU students living in the village, since they had to walk to MARTA to take it to their classes. But damn, GSU's main campus is a non campus. It was the first time I had driven through it. They are buildings stuck in downtown/midtown Atlanta. How depressing. When I was at Georgia Tech, I thought it's campus sucked but this takes the cake.
But i digress...I made my way to bham. Something possessed me to haul ass, so I was pushing my civic to the 95-100 mph range. Unless I come up on a big truck, since the air displaced by it will blow my car off the road. Literally, its like my civic is a leaf in the wind. Usually I can get away with speeding on interstate 20, but not today. Damn traffic police and their quotas, and their hiding under and around bridges. Give me a freakin heart attack. Police are SUPPOSED to make you feel safe, but they make my heart speed up and give me a feeling of paranoia like im doing something wrong, and they know it.
I made it to Darci's house around 7 pm local time. We chilled there while she ransacked her fudge I delivered to her, being the good loyal servant I am. Stephanie was staying at her father's down the street, so her dryer was raided due to some malfunction in Darci's. Wow, I never knew Steph was a bloodthirsty college football fan. She was subject to fits of rage and cursing and throwing objects. It was beautiful *sheds tear*. I admire rabid football fans. As a former student of Georgia Tech, i was prone to fits when watching games. I remember times when i watched games bymself in my apartment and screamed at the top of my lungs in rage. Or when I was with the my former fraternity, and one of my pledge brothers and I would yell out retarded shit. Like there was an aweful backup quaterback named Andy Hall, and we would always yell "Hall for Heisman!". His nickname was Gonzo, I really liked that kid. My best friend Scott goes to Ohio State , and Gonzo was from Michigan and thus a big UMich fan, so I would always give him shit about he buckeyes beating the wolverines. Gonzo was one of the few who enjoyed my sense of humor too. For rush we had a sign in sheet he and I were in charge of, and we'd always put fake names on there. After rush was over for the night, the rush leader would ream them back. He and I did a good job for most of them made people laugh. One night he wasn't working the sign in sheet with me. It was by far my worst entry. It was Bul-gene Zak Location: Alex's pants (another pledge brother, another guy who got my humor, and one of the best roommates ive had in my college experience). Gonzo was the only one that laughed, glad he got the joke. My big brother, who was nearly identical to me in terms of personality, put down Phil McCrevass. I added Location: My dixie wrecked, alabama.
In terms of my demented humor, I guess for most of the others (and again there are exceptions, mostly my pledge brothers and a few brothers) if it didnt involve alcohol and fucking girls it didnt matter huh? But i don't want to bore you about the fraternity I used to be in, my feelings on fraternities (good and bad, im not one of these disgruntled ex-frat guys who are on a warpath to denounce them... i believe as a whole they are positive )at least not in this entry. BACK TO TOPIC.
Darci and Steph made idle chit chat. Darci put her foot on my leg. YEEEESSSSSSSS! But damn girl, i really do think its time to get rid of your shoes. Yes, they do smell. Yes, they make your feet stink. Yes, they are gross, Its nasty when the sole is SOLID BLACK WITH ACCUMULATED DIRT FROM YOUR FEET FROM OVER A YEAR OF HAVING THEM. buy some new platform thongs, Steve madden has some on sale i believe. $20, surely you can afford those. And i know this because?
Jessika and her man toy came over. Wow, Jess looked really cute. More importantly, she looked happy. People give off a certain glow and have a certain look when they are truly happy. Im glad for you Jess. I spent a month and half with her and her aunt and uncle in Boston this past summer (another entry unto itself) and I haven't seen her since July. She was giving me guilt trips about it too. Women and their guilt trips. Must....fight....them....We went to a local mexican restaurant. Damn I wanted a beer, but Ive been taking this sleeping medication. Some other random girls I didnt know showed up. The topic of conversation was which sororities people were in, which were sluts, which were fat, which were bitches, etc. Hahahaha, how utterly boring and pathetic. Oh, how its so different to sit there and look at it from the outside. I admit, I'm guilty of partaking in those conversations. Im just as guilty about repeating a nickname for a frat or sorority ive heard. Examples: SAE : same assholes everywhere, Figi : felt a guy, ADPi : after dinner pie. its ironic we fight stereotypes and racism, how we try to live up to not judging people, but how easily and accepted it is to label fraternities and sororities. Im older than these girls, so i guess i had that "been there, done that" feeling. No offense, but all of you sounded rediculous. But I am just as rediculous for having the exact same conversation in the past with my former fraternity brothers. ANYWAYS. they all left to do their thing, i went to Angel's, she lives in Trussville which is about 20 minutes north of Birmingham. We had a typical philosophical/political conversation that lasted until 3 am. So much for beating my insomnia!
Sunday, I somehow managed to get myself out of bed, shower, drive back to Darci's house, and be ready on time for church. Uber-amazing. Ultra-spiffarific. Quality. The little elf known as Jana met up with us and we went to church. I'm glad I went. The preacher is hilarious, he really is. I should ask him if he ever thought of being a stand up comedian. For really the first time of all the times I went to church, I felt as tho the sermon was directly speaking to me. It was about refueling relationships, remembering what was good, repenting for what you have done wrong, and moving on. Truely the relationship he was talking about was a person's with Christ. I believe salvation is a gradual process...there is no one defining moment when you can yell "I'm saved!" I talk alot of smack about my parents, especially my dad (yet another entry...), but at least they took (forced) me to church and always ask me if Im going to church. Strangely, they never ask me if I read from the Bible. My good friend Caleb ( i need to find that kid again, he has always been good to me..ive known him since middle school and he was my BEST roommate ever) was always willing to do bible study with me, and even got me to go to some campus ministry group a few times. My big brother was always inviting me to monday night bible study with a baptist preacher that visited the house. Another pledge brother Mike listened to me as I asked him about the Bible and its stance on sexuality, and my confusion about my friend's sexual decisions. Darci has been pushing me to read the Bible and has always invited me to go to church. Jessika and Mary (memories...*sniffle*) are/were the same way, they invite(d) me to church. I even went to my first (but probably last) Catholic service with them. Even good ol kinky Carot invited me to church a few times. The point is Ive always had people steering me in the right direction. I guess for a while I thought church was rediculous and pointless. But this preacher is hilarious, and has good sermons. The most amazing thing happened recently though. For some random reason, as is usually the case, I was searching on the internet for religious artifacts. I stumbled upon two web pages about a man named Ron Wyatt. His discoveries blew my mind. I have no reason to not believe in them, or his work, or his word. Go here and here. After I visited those sites, i took a nap. Awaking in a sleepy state, i had a vision of Christ, and him on the cross. A message appeard in my mind, "Christ is the way, Christ is salvation". In my mind I asked him for forgiveness, and he put his hand on my shoulder and told me I was forgiven. I cant describe how I felt, but I dont think i ever felt this way before. I used to mock people who would claim they were "filled with the spirit", but not anymore. and I cried. I am crying now as I type this. But this has really changed my attitude. Sheesh I went off on a tangent. BACK TO TOPIC.
Darci and I got back from Church. I went with her to an elementary playground so she could take pictures of herself for her photography class. I made a fool of myself by sliding down a kid's slide that was covered in water. But hey, she looked pretty rediculous when she was trying to get her camera to focus and had to bend down and her butt was in the air and her purple thong was showing. I have a weird sense of humour, because it really cracked me up. After that whole business was said and done, we went back to her neighborhood and visited this old lady that recently had been widowed. Micah and Stringer came over but darci left for UNA and i headed back to Angel's.
this is where it gets interesting.
Angel, her husband, her stepson, their friend, and I went out to eat. Ok, everything is normal. Dinner conversations revolve around drinking and sex. We go to Walmart to get pet food. We go back to chill at the apartment. Then we go to a bar. They tell me its "just a bar". It is called Qwest, maybe you have heard of it. On the entrance it says "This is a gay-alternative bar, if you are not comfortable with this then leave!" Lovely, just freaking lovely. Conversation with guy behind the counter taking cover charge Hey there! Are you kinky? No Well, do you drink alcohol? Not really, she dragged me here (pointing at Angel) but she's married i know (laughs) im not even going to ask...well, we'll give you a 'screaming motherfucker' and see what you can do with you. (then something about me enjoying a dick in the ass and a dick in the mouth, i forget)
alright, we get in, not too many people here. Angel's husband and stepson play pool while their friends smoke and Angel and I talk. We eventually go to the back patio to chill out and talk. Angel's husband snaps on the stepson about being homophobic, poor kid he's just 18, he still needs to learn. at this point there is awkward silence, i avoid eye contact. i feel bad for him. eventually the conversation picks back up. yep, its about sex again. Angel and I talk, about all my retarded ass internet girlfriends i had back in the day. man, i am such a fool for believing i was in love with those girls. *SNIFFLE* memories...
WELL, its Sunday night so that means its Divas night. We go to the dance floor room, and it eventually fills out with a nice assortment of dykes, gays, straights, and cross dressers. Our host for the night is 'Heather' from Atlanta. Allright, a hometown girl. Well, a girl who used to be a man. I think. When you look at the face, you can tell. But damn, whoever the surgeon was did an AMAZING job. This girl/exman/undetermined had natural looking breasts. They were big too, and the voice was womanish. But this whole diva show is utterly bizarre. They dont do anything. Except dance around, lip singing. People stare. These divas get paid to be stared at. The dykes LOVE IT. I mean the dykes are hootin and hollerin and shelling out the ones (you know its birmingham cuz they are ones). But people just stare....i guess the same way people stare at strippers. Ive never been to a strip club, probably never will go so I'm not sure. Ive seen enough MTV and Anna Nicole to have a general concept of how people stare at strip clubs though.
Heather is cool because she talks to people in the crowd. She brings some poor sap up on stage who is absolutely mesmerized by Heather. It looks like he has fallen in love. Yes, the surgeon did an AMAZING job. A various assortment of Divas come and go. Then this tall, black one named Georgette comes and dances. He/she/it makes eye contact with me. I think to myself "OH FUCK". He/she/it approches me. I figure, what the hell? I take a dollar out of my pants, put it in my mouth and Georgette puts his/her/its man breasts in my face and i put the dollar in. I wasn't about to piss off this tall black Diva. Angel thought it was hilarious and couldnt stop laughing. When in Rome, do as the Romans do. we eventually leave, around 3 am. the guy who cuts my wrist band off calls me baby. we talk to the guy who took our cover money. our conversation
Hey, i saw what you did with Georgette. I think you got some sugar in you honey yeah, yall brought it out of me you want me to bring Georgette out here? i can no thanks, i nearly shit myself when she came over you're lucky, usually she takes your head and rubs it in her crotch well, im glad you had fun goodnight honey
hahaha, i laugh when i look back on it. it was totally out of character. I left monday in the afternoon. I took a picture of me and angel i really like so I'll put it up on here. She is such a great friend, im an asshole for not visiting her more often. She has a brain up there, and she is about the only friend i can discuss some of the weird intellectual things i like with. Plus i like the way her shoe tasted :)
Fuck im tired. Good night. sorry about the grammar and spelling. hoked on fonic werked four me.
