these are the lyrics to God Lives Underwater's "23". This is how i feel right now.
I'm breathing the air
the air i always breathe
i don't have a lot
but i want someone to share it with me
i really only want a few things
they've all been taken away
what does the next life bring
i just want to feel o.k.
i'm searching forever
for someone or something
i want to be high
and i want someone to love me
i spent 23 years now
trying to get by
other people make it day to day
i still wonder why
i only really had a few things
they've all turned to tears
one tried to kill me
the other kept me
10.23.02 | 1:47 pm
here is a conversation I had with Suzanne about it Justin: i had a bit of my happiness taken away from my time at georgia tech
Suz: yeah
Suz: that's understandable
Justin: in high school i was totally carefree, but after that, there is a bitter and cynical side in me that formed, as well as a sad and depressed side, but ive gotten control over those, so im pretty much back to myself
Suz: yay!!! i'm soo glad!
Justin: me too
Justin: plus you know, sometimes i just want someone to love me, ya'll kid me about not having a girlfriend, but sometimes i think i would like a female companion..i think thats only natural
Justin: so that song sums my feelings up nicely
Suz: well of course it's natural
Suz: just keep being "you" and someone will come along...she'll be worth the wait
Justin: i know, ive heard that advice a million times, its actually cliche now...im not worried about it, i can honestly say ive learned a lot just through my friends observations
Justin: observations of my friends relationships
Justin: is what i meant to type
i can come across as a pathetic, self-loathing fuck but i can honestly say i have been worse off than i am now. there were times when i was in the fraternity when i was alone in my room i would lock it and cry. there were times i contemplated suicide, but i would never have the balls to do it. there were even at times up in Boston over the summer I felt like dying. But really, things have changed for me. Time away from Georgia Tech has done so much for me. And realizing how much my friends mean to me, and how much I love all of them, thats changed me. I want to give a thankyou to the friends who helped me during my lowest point ever, last fall semester. I thought the end of my freshmen year when i failed out was bad (i eventually told my parents and broke down and cried in front of them, on campus, it was embarassing and made them think they were bad parents)
scott: for listening to me when i called you crying that one night suzanne: for telling me to get out if i wasn't happy jessika: for always reassuring me dan: for making me laugh (and not knowing how miserable I was) darci: calling me to say good morning, visiting me in atlanta, listening to me, and making me feel better scott's mom: giving me advice on how to tell my parents i was leaving Tech others: just being my friend i love all of you (((GROUP HUG)))
